Communicating with Your Children

Being bullied is a frightening experience. Everyone hopes it won’t happen to them or to someone they know and care about. But bullying does happen to some children and many will see it happening around them.

Parents naturally want to protect their children. Talking with children about bullying is a way parents can help them to understand and deal with these situations. There are some aspects of bullying that all parents should try to discuss with their children.

Talking with and listening to your children
How can I communicate better with my children?
Open-ended questions
Keep listening
Listening and asking questions
Family Meeting Time

Talking with and listening to your children

When your children talk to you about day-to-day things, where possible, stop what you are doing and listen. Be supportive and encourage them to talk. You don’t have to know everything, however, you do need to try to keep in touch with what is happening on a day-to-day basis in their lives.

Are there times each day when you are able to share some time with your children?

Do you try to let your children know that you are really interested in what they have to say?

Make it clear to your children that they can talk with you no matter what the topic. Try to arrange times when you can walk or sit side-by-side and chat. This is a more relaxed way to discuss things and allows your children to feel more comfortable to open up to you.

How can I communicate better with my children?

Show your children you enjoy talking with them.
Let your children know that it is not just when they are in trouble or having problems that you want to know what is going on in their lives.
Arrange opportunities to share time with your children when you can talk while doing an activity together, e.g. cooking, craft, going to the football together.
Ask your children their opinion on events, issues and general daily proceedings, so they feel that their opinion is valued.
Praise your children, not just when they have had success but also when they have had a go, even if they make mistakes.
Encourage and role model positive language. For example:

‘I really like the way you asked your brother if you could play his game.’ ‘It is great to see you treating your friends in such a caring way.’

If you talk with your children about daily topics, there will be a greater chance they will talk about more difficult issues such as bullying.

Open-ended questions

A good way to encourage your children to talk with you is to use open-ended questions. These questions encourage children to talk because they ask for more than just a 'yes' or 'no' answer.

An example of an open question might be 'What did you do on the weekend?' This is a question that allows for an interesting answer: 'I had a sleepover at my friend’s house. We went to the movies and rode our bikes.'

A closed question in the same situation, such as 'Did you have a nice weekend?' only allows for a brief answer: 'Yes.'

Closed question		Open-ended question
Did you have a good day?		What happened today?
How was school?		What did you do at school today?
You look sad. Are you all right?		How are you feeling?
Did you play today?		Who did you play with today? What did you play at school today?
Now you try:
Was the party fun?
Is ________ still your best friend?
Did ________tease you today?

Keep listening

As children move closer to adolescence they may not want to talk as much with their parents as before. This does not mean they don’t want to talk to their parents. Nor does it mean they have nothing to say. It is important at this time for parents to not give up and to keep asking questions and talking on a regular basis. This helps children to feel supported during these changing times. Children who feel their parents are always there when they need them usually feel close to and like being a member of the family. This feeling of closeness between family members helps to protect children from many problems, including bullying.

Listening and asking questions

Listen to your children to find out how they are feeling and what is going on in their lives. Sometimes a child may not tell you that they are being bullied, but by listening to them you can tell if they are happy or if something is bothering them.

Parents can also teach children how to listen well by demonstrating good listening skills.

How to listen and ask good questions

Look at the person who is talking and occasionally nod or say “yes” or do something that signals you have understood;
Stand or sit still while you are listening;
Pay attention and think about what is being said carefully; and
When the other person stops speaking show that you have really listened by asking a good question based on what they have just said.

Family Meeting Time

A family meeting is handy for keeping in touch with the family activities as well as for family decision-making and problem-solving. By beginning to hold family meetings early in your children’s lives you will help keep them connected to the family group as they grow older.

A weekly meeting needs to be at a time when everyone is available and has time to sit down together and focus on the family. This could take the form of a special meal night, e.g. ‘finger food night’ or could just be a quick get together at a time when everyone is available.

During the meeting you can:

Review the week’s activities;
Celebrate things that have happened;
Coordinate family activities;
Discuss any problems or issues;
Set family goals;
Decide on family chores or tasks; and
Do a family activity.