Friendship and Social Support

How can parents help their children develop friendships?
Help your children make friends
Talking to your children about sharing
Tips for children about sharing
The importance of cooperation
How to help your child join in

How can parents help their children develop friendships?

What is a friend?

A friend is someone you like and who likes you.

Friendships play an important role in how children cope at school. Children who have close friendships are less likely to be bullied. If a child is bullied, but feels supported by friends, they are better able to deal with the situation.

Children who have problems making friends are more likely to have problems at school. For example, they:

Don’t take part in school life;
Feel lonely;
Hate/dislike school; and
Are more likely to be bullied by other children.

Children who have friends:

Feel happier at school;
Are less likely to be bullied;
Are able to cope better if they are bullied;
See their classmates as friendly and caring; and
Develop positive attitudes to school and learning.

Am I up to date with what I know about my child?

Who is/are my child’s best friend/s?
Who does my child play with at school?
Does my child play with children outside of the school environment?
With whom and where?
Do I provide opportunities for my children to mix with other children on a regular basis outside school?
How could I improve this?

Help your children make friends

Encourage your children to make friends and play with other children at school, at home and in your neighbourhood.
At home encourage your children to talk with their extended family (uncles, aunts, cousins and grandparents) and to talk with adult family friends and neighbours.
Invite other children over for visits and sleepovers and help your children make their guests feel welcome.
Help your children develop a range of interests and hobbies, such as sport, scouts, dance, drama or music.
Encourage your child to telephone friends on weekends or during holidays.
Take your children on holidays where there are other children who are a similar age. Go on holidays with another family with children.

Taking part in activities outside home and school can help children build confidence and enhance their social skills.

Sport, creative activities and clubs can provide opportunities for children to:

Play and have fun with other children;
Make new friends;
Develop a sense of belonging to a group or team;
Improve their confidence and self-esteem;
Learn discipline and develop self-discipline;
Learn to have-a-go and accept defeat as a learning experience;
Share with other children; and
Burn up energy and get rid of the stresses of the day.

Talking to your children about sharing

There are different types of sharing. Talk with your children about sharing possessions (toys, clothes etc), sharing environments (bathroom, schoolyard etc), and sharing themselves (helping, caring for others, playing together).
Explain that if you want people to share with you, you must share with them.
Help your children to understand that they do not have to share all things all the time. If they have a limited amount of something or an item that is very precious to them, they can explain this to other children who may wish to share.

Tips for children about sharing

Put away or use privately anything that you can’t or don’t want to share.

Offer to share your things with children who would enjoy them too.

If someone asks to use something of yours, say “yes”, and show them how to use it and take care of it properly.

If you and another child both want to use something that neither of you own, take turns for equal amounts of time.

Try not to show off something that you know other children will want to share if you are not happy to share it with others.

Sharing a game is a great way to make new friends.

The importance of cooperation

Low levels of cooperative behaviour have been shown to be characteristic of both boys and girls who bully others and, to a lesser extent, of people who are bullied.

Ask yourself: Can my child:	Yes	Could improve
Greet familiar people in friendly way?
Ask to join in with other children’s games or conversations?
Share and take turns?
Listen to others without interrupting?
Have a conversation with other children?
Play a game by the rules?
Deal with losing in a game?
Accept criticism or advice?

How to help your children join in

You can help your children learn how to approach other children and ask to join in their conversations or games, which can lead to new friendships and social activities. Sometimes children will just ‘hang around’ the other children and this will lead to them being invited to join in. However, it is often better to just go and ask to join in a friendly and polite way.

Make it clear to your children that they should not approach strangers in a strange setting and that sometimes other children may not be receptive to their initial approach. They need to realise that sometimes it takes a bit of time for everyone to get used to each other.

Steps to joining in:

Look for other children who seem friendly and are either by themselves or in small groups.
Stand and watch them for a while and find out who they are and what they are doing.
Wait for a good time to ask to join in, e.g. a break in the game or a pause in the conversation.
Smile and introduce yourself and ask them if you can join in.
Making a positive comment about what they are doing sometimes helps to get conversation started.
If they let you join in, start doing what they are doing and try to fit in with their activity or conversation.
Try to learn the names of the other children, get to know them and tell them a bit about yourself.