Self-esteem

What do we know about self-esteem and bullying?
What is self-esteem?
What can parents do to help develop their children’s self-esteem?
Positive messages
Parent attitudes toward school are important
How can parents model positive attitudes about school?

What do we know about self-esteem and bullying?

Students with high self-esteem are as likely to have experienced bullying as those with low self-esteem. Those with low self-esteem report more extensive bullying, higher levels of stress as a result of being bullied and more negative effects of this stress.

High self-esteem helps children deal with bullying if it does happen. It is therefore important to help children develop high self-esteem. It is incorrect to think students who bully others suffer from low self-esteem; rather, students who bully demonstrate about average self-esteem and a relatively positive perception of themselves. HOWEVER, it may be that such children bully others to increase their self-esteem.

Another reason why it is important to help your children develop high self-esteem is that it is students with a genuinely high self-esteem are the ones most likely to support students who are bullied.

What is self–esteem?

Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves. We compare how we see ourselves and how we believe others see us, with how we would like to be.

What can parents do to help develop their children’s self-esteem?

Help your children to think about their abilities and what they are capable of in a realistic way, e.g. you throw really well for someone your age.
Encourage your children to ‘have-a-go’ at new activities.
Help them to find solutions to problems rather than giving them the answers. Ask questions like, “What could you do?” and, “What do you think?”
Listen to your children and show them that you value what they have to say.
Foster their growing need for independence. Begin with basics like caring for their own belongings, making their own bed, and feeding the pets.

Positive messages

Children have a wonderful curiosity about life. A child’s mind is full of questions. Perhaps the most important of these are:

Who am I?

What kind of person am I?

Where do I fit in?

A child’s sense of identity is significantly affected by statements that begin with the words ‘you are’, especially if they come from people who are significant in their lives.

We call these ‘You’ messages. The message may be positive, “You are a terrific kid” or negative, “You are so naughty”. If these messages are what the child usually hears from a person who is important to the child, they will think this must be true.

Look at these two pictures: This little boy has just started Kindergarten. The teacher mentioned to his Grandma that he was a bit nervous on the first day and spilt some paint on another boy. This situation shows two different reactions and ‘You’ messages.

As important people in your children’s lives, parents need to remember to use positive ‘You’ messages. Even if your child has done something wrong, a positive ‘You’ message can be used. For example, “You are a really responsible child, but I won’t allow you to speak to me like that. I need you to do as I have asked.”

Children need to build their self-esteem in order to help them create positive relationships in their lives.

Parent attitudes toward school are important

Everyone has different memories of their time in school. Some are very positive and others are less positive. Personal experiences and memories can affect your attitude toward school in general.

Your attitudes toward school will be picked up by your children. If these attitudes are positive your children will most likely begin school with a happy and positive attitude and be open to the whole new experience.

How can parents model positive attitudes about school?

Spend time at the school. For example:

Introduce yourself and your family to the teacher at the beginning of the year.

At the beginning of each term, after the teacher and students have had a chance to get to know each other, make an appointment to see the teacher to discuss how your child has settled in.

Attend the class parent meeting at the beginning of the year to find out about the teacher’s goals, expectations, rules and limits (if there is no organised meeting, arrange to see the teacher yourself).

In the mornings or afternoons when you come to school, model positive behaviour by saying good morning or goodbye to your child’s teacher.

Become an active participant at the school or in school organisations. Join the P&C or volunteer to help in the classroom.

If work or other commitments prevent you from making regular plans to volunteer, let the teacher or P&C know that you are happy to help out when you can.

Attend school assemblies so you have ongoing knowledge of what is happening in the school.

Read the school newsletter with your child and discuss articles and events.

Make sure the school has information about your contact details.

Support your children with their homework. Discuss what they have to do and how they are going to do it.

Focus on the positive. Praise your school for the good things that it does. Send a note to the teacher when you are pleased with what he or she is doing.

If you are called in about a problem, be open to the situation and try to work together with the teacher towards a common solution that is best for your child.

If your child has been in trouble don’t take this personally. All children will misbehave at some time and discipline is a normal procedure within the school.

Remember you and the school want the best for your child, so you need to work together to find the best strategies and actions.