Dealing with Bullying Situations

I think my teenager is being bullied
Talking with your teenagers about teasing
Talking with your teenagers if they are bullying others

I think my teenager is being bullied

What are some possible signs that your teenager may be bullied?

Many students will be reluctant to tell anyone they are being bullied. As a parent, there are many things teenagers do or say which can be taken as warning signs they may be being bullied at school.

These signs include:

Less interest in school or not wanting to go to school;
Lower school performance;
Frequent complaints of headaches or stomach aches;
Frequent damage or loss of items such as clothing, property or school work;
Frequent injuries such as bruises or cuts and a reluctance to say why;
Difficulty sleeping, wetting the bed or having nightmares;
Asking for extra lunch or pocket money;
Generally unhappy, miserable, moody and/or irritable;
Having no friends to share free time with, and
Rarely invited to parties or other social activities with peers.

What should I do if my teenager is being bullied?

It is natural for parents to feel upset and want to protect their teenager if he or she is being bullied. However, an upset parent can cause the teenager more distress.

Parent Points – My teenager is being bullied

How should I respond?

Tell your teenager you are glad he or she has talked to you about the situation.
Be aware of your own response and react in a calm, helpful and supportive manner;
Remind your teenager that the bullying is not their fault.

What can I do to help?

Ask your teenager what you could do to help make the situation better;
Make sure your teenager knows how to get help and support at school;
Talk with your teenager’s form or home room teacher to find out what will be done;
Once you have spoken with your teenager’s teacher and decided on some actions, support these decisions at home;
Help your teenager work out a plan of what he or she could do to help make the situation better;
Keep a record of what happens each day;
Arrange follow-up meetings to discuss outcomes; and
Keep in contact with the school even if the situation seems to have improved to ensure the changes continue.

Download these parent points

Talking with your teenager about being bullied

Just over 60% of teenagers who were bullied in Western Australian schools last year, reported that they told someone after they were bullied. This means almost 40% of teenagers who were bullied told no one. Teenagers often think that talking about a bullying incident is like ‘dobbing’ on one another.

‘Dobbing’ is when a person tries to get attention or to get someone else into trouble.

Asking for help is when someone feels the situation is out of his or her control and he or she is unable to deal with it alone. If anyone sees someone else in this situation, he or she should also ask for help.

What to advise teenagers to do at school if they are bullied

Be assertive—stand up for yourself in a positive way. If you look confident when you respond this will show you mean what you are saying. Try to talk with the person you are having a problem with.

Use humour—this can be very effective in teasing or verbal bullying situations but may not be appropriate for every situation.

Avoid the situation—walk away andstay away from the people bullying you or the place where it occurs.

Ignore the bullying—ignore the bullying completely and carry on with what you were doing. Use positive self-talk to help boost your confidence, e.g. I don’t deserve to be treated like this. I am not the one with the problem.

Ask for help—when other strategies you have tried are not working or if you feel you can’t deal with the situation yourself, you should ask for help. Asking for help is not dobbing. It is always okay to ask for help. Ask a teacher or your parents for help or talk to a friend to get some ideas to help you make a decision.

You can reinforce these messages by discussing them with your teenager at home.

What did we tell the students on their web page?

When you are being bullied and you feel that you can’t do anything to stop it, follow these steps:

Stay calm and try not to act upset or angry. This is probably what the person bullying wants you to do.
Calmly remove yourself from the situation. Try to ignore the bullying by turning and walking away calmly.
If they try to stop or block you. Be firm and clear - look them in the eye and tell them to stop.
Don't fight back. If you fight back you could make the situation worse, get hurt or be blamed for starting the trouble.
Get away from the situation as quickly as possible and
Tell an adult what has happened straight away.

If you are being bullied by mobile phone text messages or email

Make a note of exactly when the message was sent and save it
Tell a parent, friend or teacher straight away
Be careful who you give your mobile phone number or email address to

Talking with your teenagers about teasing

A person is teasing when they provoke (stir-up) someone, either in a playful or an unkind way. Sometimes people tease in a fun way where they don’t hurt anyone’s feelings. Other times people tease in a mean way that upsets or hurts the feelings of the other person. This is called bullying. Teasing is a problem if the person being teased is hurt by it and cannot stop it from happening.

A person is teasing in a mean way when they:

Make fun of someone in a hurtful way.
Play unkind jokes or tricks on someone.
Say things that are upsetting or worrying to someone.

Sometimes people don’t realise they are being hurtful or annoying when they tease someone. They think their teasing is ‘just some fun’ or ‘having a joke’.

How can I help my teenager deal with teasing and hurtful comments?

Teasing and other hurtful comments are the most common form of bullying. Parents can help their teenagers deal with hurtful comments by telling them to try these actions:

Pretend not to hear the comments—walk away
Ask yourself—is this true and if so do I care?
Breathe deeply and look confident
Respond—ask them to stop or try using humour, 'Yeah that’s really funny. Now you’ve had your fun you can leave me alone'
Change the subject or ask them a question about something else
Ask for help from friends
Ask for help from a teacher.

You can also help stop your teenagers being involved in hurtful teasing by listening and responding to what they say about others. Challenge your teenagers if you hear them saying unkind things about another teenager or repeating unkind stories they have heard.

In a calm voice say:

'That’s a pretty bad thing to say about someone.'
'How do you know this story is true?'
'How would you feel if this story was told about you?'
'How can you help the person who the story is about?'

As a parent, be aware of comments you may make about people’s body shapes and sizes as this can have an effect on your teenagers’ developing attitudes about appearance. Encourage your teenagers to say positive things about people and model this yourself when you talk about others with or around your teenagers.

Talking with your teenagers if they are bullying others

All teenagers are capable of bullying at some time and it is important for parents to respond in a calm and helpful manner. To encourage your teenager not to bully others:

Talk with your teenagers about what is acceptable behaviour and what is not, e.g. we should not tease people because they look different.
Work together with your family to establish simple rules and expectations about how to treat each other amongst the family members.
Encourage and provide opportunities for your teenagers to openly discuss bullying issues with the family.
Discuss friendship and help your teenagers make friends by encouraging them to socialise with other teenagers at school, at home or in the neighbourhood.
Encourage your teenager to invite their friends over for visits and make their guests feel welcome.
Improve your teenager’s self-esteem by encouraging him or her to have a go at new activities and to think about his or her abilities in a realistic way.