Information for Parents of Secondary Students

Changes Ahead
The role of parents with teenagers
Talking about bullying with your teenager

Changes Ahead

Adolescence is a time when teenagers begin to mature mentally and think more about their identity and where they fit in the world. It is also a time when they refine the skills for successful relationships. Through mixing in peer groups teenagers learns new social skills and how to interact more independently with their ‘crowd’. These group relationships provide emotional support for teenagers to develop their personal identities and to cope with the many changes and challenges experienced during this time.

As the role and influence of the peer group becomes more important, the role and influence of the parents change. Teenagers begin to turn more to their peers to discuss problems, feelings, fears and doubts. However, this reliance on peers for social support is combined with increasing pressures to gain social status. It is during adolescence that peer groups become established and issues of acceptance and popularity become more important.

Research indicates, for example, that toughness and aggressiveness are important status issues for boys, while appearance is a major factor influencing social status among girls. The pressure to gain peer acceptance and status can be related to an increase in teasing and bullying. We see this in the form of demonstrating strength and power over other students for boys and either name-calling or exclusion from the group for girls.

There are groups of students who support their peers and sometimes participate in teasing and harassing other students. It is important at this time for families, schools and other community groups to help teenagers and young adults learn how to manage and change, the pressure to hurt their classmates in order to ‘fit in’.

The role of parents with teenagers

The emotional wellbeing of adolescents is very much influenced by their relationship with parents and family. Adolescents who have a sense of belonging to their family are more likely to have higher self-esteem, feel more confident and optimistic about the future and experience more success.

During this time of social change it is important to support adolescents in their relationship development so they don’t begin using antisocial behaviour like teasing or bullying as a means to fit in.

A coordinated whole-school effort that includes common understandings about what bullying is, how to talk about it and how to deal with it is the most effective model for preventing and reducing bullying in schools. Prevention programs that involve the whole-school community, including parents and caregivers can significantly reduce bullying.

Every adolescent is different and while there is never only one way to support and encourage your adolescent successfully, we hope that this Program provides you and your family with useful information, tips and skills.

Talking with you teenager about bullying

It is important to discuss bullying with your teenagers on a regular basis. Regular communication with a person they trust and look up to will help your teenager form their own opinions and beliefs about bullying. Your teenager will also feel more comfortable telling you if they are being bullied.

Why not try some of the following ideas to improve the way you talk with your teenagers.

When talking with your teenager:

Sit shoulder to shoulder or walk with your teenager as you talk.
Talking face to face can be quite confrontational, particularly to boys.
Sitting or walking side by side will encourage both you and your teenager to talk freely.

Use open-ended questions.

It is easy to ask your teenager if they had a good day or if they would like toast for breakfast. However, these questions only require a yes or no answer.
Try asking questions such as 'What did you do today' or 'What would you like for breakfast?'.
These types of questions encourage discussion between you and your teenager.