All About Peer Groups

Kane said

'Now I know the difference between peer pressure and peer support. The kids at my new high school have very strong opinions about how they want the school to be. They don’t want bullying in the school and they support everyone to look out for each other. We talk a lot about how bystanders should help kids out if they see they are being bullied'.

Peer groups
Peer influence
Positive peer pressure –peer support
Negative peer pressure
Dealing with peer pressure

Peer groups

Peer groups are people who you hang out with that are your age.Your peers are other people just like you.

People your age
Friends outside school
Students in your year level
People in the groups you join, eg, sports clubs and teams, youth groups etc.

Peer influence

Peer influence can be either negative power (peer pressure) or positive power (peer support).

Peer groups are an important part of growing up and getting along with others. They allow you to explore interests, to develop healthy relationships and to develop a sense of belonging to a group.

Tip

Peer group pressure is a powerful force but you can choose whether it is a good or bad influence on your life

Positive peer pressure – peer support

Peers can have a positive influence on each other. Positive influence gets people involved in things they can feel proud about and makes them feel good about themselves. Maybe another student in your class helped you to decide to join the school basketball team and you are really enjoying it now. Perhaps one of your peers convinced you to run for student councillor because you were scared of having a go. Peer support usually feels good because the person or group supporting you cares about how you feel and is trying to help you.

Your friends and peer group can offer you lots of positive things like:

Sharing interests and introducing you to new ideas
Feeling like you belong and are valued for who you are
Increased confidence and feelings of safety because you know your friends care about you and how you feel
Feeling safe to have-a-go and to try out ideas
Getting to know all sorts of other people and what they think about things
Learning to accept, work together and get along with others.

People can influence others in a positive way by:

Saying positive things
Encouraging others to try
Accepting people's differences
Getting involved in positive group activities at school
Caring about the feelings of others
Caring about the safety of others
Using good manners
Using appropriate language
Getting involved in positive out of school activities like sport, music or youth groups
Encouraging people to ask for help from parents, carers or teachers if they need more help, support or advice.

Tip

Kids who do things that make you feel bad or get into trouble are not good friends.

Good friends care about how you feel and support you to be the best that you can be.

If peer influence is generally telling you to act in a good way, to do something that seems right, or to do something positive that doesn’t hurt anyone, it is safe to say that this will be all right. Going along with a healthy group of friends is an important part of a happy and healthy life. In a situation where peer influence is good, individuals in the group will be acting as responsible people who can make their own decisions and at the same time function as a group working with each other in a cooperative and supportive way.

Negative peer pressure

Peer pressure can be a very powerful force when you feel you ‘have to’ do something that you might not usually choose to do. It is when you choose to do this to fit in, or ‘be cool’, among your peers. This can mean making choices that you don’t really want to or that are unsafe.

For example, one student in school might try to get another to help him/her bully another student; a team member might try to convince you to be mean to another player and not pass the ball to that person; or a friend might want you to help threaten another student for money.

Unfortunately, the one we hear most about is the negative—usually because of the bad things that happen as a result of this kind of pressure.

Students tell us the main reasons they give in to peer pressure is because:

They want to be liked
They want to fit in
They worry other students may make fun of them if they don't go along with the group
They think that 'everyone's doing it and they want me to do it too'
They are worried that they will loose their friendships if they don’t go along with the group.

People can influence people in a negative way by:

Making negative comments
Making people feel bad about themselves
Picking on people's differences
Discouraging others from trying
Teasing and harassing others
Bullying
Trying to get others to do unsafe things or things which could get them into trouble
Not considering the feelings of others.

If your peers are pressuring you to do something you know is wrong, or to do something you feel uncomfortable about doing then you need to think carefully about your choices and decide whether this is really worth doing. A good rule is:
'if it makes you feel bad it is probably bad for you'.

Dealing with peer pressure

Dealing with peer pressures can be different for everyone. There are a few things you might think about.

Choose your friends wisely

It can really help to have at least one other peer, or friend, who is willing to say 'no', too. This takes a lot of the power out of peer pressure and makes it much easier to resist. It's great to have friends with values similar to yours who will back you up when you don't want to do something.

Here are some ways to avoid negative peer pressure before it happens.

Make friends with people who have similar values as you do. This way, you can back each other up when needed.
Make your own choices. Get to know who you are and what is good for you and your life.
Before you make a decision, think about what could go wrong and decide ahead of time what to do.
Hang out with people who you know you can trust and that you know like you for who you are.

If someone is pressuring you to do something you don't want to, talk to someone you know will listen and help you.

Helping your friends

What should you do if your friend has a problem or is in trouble? Suppose your friend doesn't want to talk about it? Or maybe they've confided in you but sworn you to secrecy?

These situations are not easy. Sometimes just being there and listening is enough but sometimes they might need more help than you can give them.

When friends fall out

Sometimes you and your friends may fall out. Everyone has rows with their friends and usually you make up again soon. But sometimes the rows are more serious; maybe your friend has been nasty or gossiped about you.

Maybe you've let them down or something you said came out wrong. Whatever the reason, sometimes friends have serious arguments. These can feel terrible. People who were part of your life, whom you relied on, are suddenly not there.

Helping a friend

Don't ignore bullying. You can help. Don't let the students who bully get away with thinking that no-one will do anything. Here are a few things you can do, and a couple that you can't:

Don't rush over and take them on - it might not be safe and you don't want other people to think you are a bully
Let a teacher or other adult know what's happening
Try to be a friend to the person being bullied
Refuse to join in
Try to be friendly to the bully, but even if you can't be friends, being kind can sometimes help the bully stop bullying.

Sometimes you can't sort it out yourself. Ask an adult for help.